Dowries - Go or Stay?

wait, there are non-Mien members in here?

I agree with #3,
not to offend anyone but you are getting (generally speaking) the "cream of the crop" in terms of selection from CSUs, UCs, even at CCs. I'm a humanity major, I should know.

(also, why in the world is this site eating 100mb+ in Opera? I have only one tab open).

edit: it's at 212mb!

edit: on Firefox w/ one tab, it's at 80mb. ***shaking head***

You are who you are! No lover or anyone else can make a change to you! The only person that can change you, is yourself.

That is me! Ladyphan80, you just found your MR. RIGHT. Ladyphan80, i can treat you any way you want to be treated. And serve you with HENNESSY all day long.

Exactly!

Please avoid viewing Eastern culture thru Western lens, and vice versa.

pkj if your lover tries to change you,than he doesn't love you for who you are he's loving his own shadow.
love is priceless.

you are exactly right. the mien ritual language comes from an old form of taoist practice in Ancient China and the language has changed from then, which is probably why he says that it is Chinese kid language. I pity him/her.

i havent sipv wuonh before yet because my Great Uncle said that i have to Guaax Dang, even if i already have my Faqc Mbuox. It takes me about 2 hours to siangx mienv. My grandma says that Mbouv Guaax-dorn takes a while but not as long as siangx mienv and Siou ging takes only a few minutes. None of which should come wit a fee except Sipv wuonh which should be paid as the meal.

u shouldnt need to ask for money when they Mbouv Guaax-dorn and siou ging. And siangx mienv and sipv wuonh, the fee should be the meal. my opinion...

gorngv meih jaex! we have our own gods and saints too.

exactamundo! and i dont rob on my members.

I like the way how you translate the meaning of each duty. I wonder if there's a book that lists all the duties and their meanings. It would be very helpful to have for someone like me.

Sipv Wounh is questionable. Anythings that take over an hour are questionable to me. It's hard to pay shaman a fee for simple duties and it doesn't sound fair for shaman to ask for fee on those simple duties. But to think about it, do you think its fair to you that there would be no compensation for small duties if you were a shaman? You have to consider the time you will spend away from your family, the gas and mileages, etc. It's good to help our community but if you're an average Mien family man, it doesn't sound that encouraging to learn to become a shaman. I admire all the shamans out there these day.

I seriously think Mien communities need to address this topic more so that there will be fairness for both sides.

I have my own family with young kids and going thru this. My dad is the one that has been taking care of these duties for me but I know I'll be on my own sooner or later. My dad is also a shaman. He is very kind and likes to help people. But, I know how hard it is for him to travel back and forth to help family to family and leaving my mom and my younger siblings at home, and wasting money on gas. On top of that, he's wasting his energy and sleeping time out there on the road. Whereas he could be spending time resting and enjoying time with his grandchilds. This topic really concerns me and i'm sure to everyone too. We need to get everything set in stone for others to follow or else, it will be a mess out there soon within Mien communities.

I know talk is easier than done but i'm sure there are smart Mien folks out there can get together and solve this.

Once In a Lifetime.

Thanks I'll be waiting for more. Great advices! Very helpful tips! Maybe u should have your own column? "Ask Artchin" or something like that. =]

Here is more advice for you before I leave for soccer:
1. Don't be too easy. Be strong inside.
2. It is bad choice to meet a man at night club/casino to be your lover/husband.
3. Best places to find lover: college,church, sport tournament ....
4. Sex during first date is a failure.
5. Never move in with a man unless he is your true love.
6. Many more, I know all the tricks
Street smart advicer

Once In a Lifetime.

Can you ellaborate that a little more? Most woman are prone to vulnerability and seem to be very gullible when it comes to love. Especially when they've been searching for it for the longest time. Ok I admit it, I'm very fragile and gullible when it comes to love. I just want a man who can love me for who I am and not love me then change me. And I do believe that if someone he/she (ur partner) loves you then the only beauty he/she sees is within you. And another thing I learned, if he/she loves you like he/she says, then he/she wouldn't be so cruel and treat u like trash once he/she sees a better meat. NOW that is the most hurtful thing anyone can do with love. It only gets worst. Even a mastercard can't buy you love. Bottom line is... If someone is kind and considerate, he/she won't present himself as a player from the get-ko! Only a gullible woman would fall for a man like that (players). It's hard for me to walk away cause I let it go too far.. And now the only thing I have when I wake up or go to bed at night is another broken heart. And this is the worst one ever. You can't eat. Sleep. And all you can think of is, how could he tell u he thinks you're beautiful and then 5 mins later says the same thing to someone else? The most painful experience I've ever been through for love. Why do good woman always fall inlove with bad man?

Here is my advice to you:
When a man says " I love you" does not necessary mean he really loves you from inside his
heart. If someone really loves you, he won't be in a hurry to do what a man and a woman always do
when they are together.

Is there such thing as true love? I stopped believing in it since the last person I loved told me or at least made me believe that he was my true love til he saw something more beautiful and decided to tell me different. I'm done searching and believing cause I loved and believed in him so much that it hurted so much when he did that... Has anyone ever find true love? Does it even exist?

All my life, I've never found a true love, heart to heart. Damn too bad for me.

Maybe it's the way the setting is in here.

No, I am not quoting you and I don't know who you are. You are good young lady.
What I meant was about from rice to bean.

Does Christianity consist of judging others without knowing who they are? Like my new friend says, Don't judge a book by it's cover!

And ur reason of quoting me? And bringing thai people up?

In Thailand, Thai people often say "Bad women= Nging tee mai dee) means
the woman you marry will not last long.

I just need a man who can treat me right, with respect, honor, and not a quick change of heart. A man who actually thinks I'm worth every penny spent. FYI, my love is priceless but worth millions. ;]

iRAq

You're not alone bro. same thing happen to me, rice to bean, it was $4666.00 and no refund, I got all the receipt too, plus she deposit lots of my money at the casino.

Sorry if I am actin like a repeat offender but I didn't read the whole thread. I think that we should keep up the dowries thing. Why? because it belongs to our culture, it's part of who we are. Regarding to the amount, it should be up to the boy's family and what they can afford to give. And from a mien girl's point of view, I don't think that we, mien ladies, have to take it like "selling us". We should see it like a ritual. Personally, I wouldn't blame my parents saying: "i don't want u to ask for money because I feel like you're selling me!" or " $2000 that's all you asked for? I thought that I am worth more than that"....

not all guys whom married their wife have to pay.

Nqongh qaiv! when my brother got married to his wife and moved out and lived with her, my parents didn't get $4,000.

Forget all of your whatever past wedding tradition... Regardless how much you spends on your wife, husband, they will divorces before in-laws taking into hide outs for the shame.