Heard a good joke lately? Share it.

I love reading HOPE916 jokes...

How clever you are, my dear!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Gover nment.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the
People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy! goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his fathe r, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is
screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit

I would like to share a few jokes with pictures attached.
Can someone show me how to post up pictures on here?

I got this from a Playboy Magazine, I don't just gawk at the pictures I read it too you know
but I'm gonna add a little flavor to give a lemon twist get it?

You know how some kids be debating like who's better and whatnot?
Theres these two boys who are getting into it, Lets call one Kao and the other Lo.

"Lo, My dad's better than yours because he's a cop and he catches criminals" Kao says.
Lo replies, "Oh yeah, My dad's a firefighter and he rescues people and saves lives and stuff"
Kao fires back, "Oh yeah well my dad knows how to siet-mien and does all kinds of ceremonies so there!"
Lo comes back with "So? my dad's the one who kills the pig and cooks 'em so everyone gets to eat"
At this point, Kao starts to feel defeated and then tries a different tactic.
"... Like thats anything special, My MOM is better than yours you know"
Lo then says, "Yeah well, my dad says the same thing"

a joke for the summer grill

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue grill."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right , your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue grill!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-*** grill for one little weenie?"

> President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on
Air Force One.
> George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could
throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very
happy.'
> Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten
$100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.'
> Cheney added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred
$10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.'
> Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to
his co-pilot,'Such big-shots back there. Sh*t I could throw all of y'all
@sses out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.'

Interesting...
lol there are perfect man out there..wink..lol

MookaoMoo

I don't matter if it takes an hour or even the whole day. As long as it makes you laugh at the end, it was well worth it.

I thought it was a funi joke. More please. More jokes !!!

No talking down.... Gotta appreciate instead.

"Music is food for your soul you eat with your ears."

Because I would rather laugh and have friends than talk down to people and make enemies. And it doesn't take the whole day to find a joke.

Nope! Not funny at all. And one thing i don't really understand is why in the world their is someone just want to spend the whole day online searching for a joke story?

Funny

Music is food for your soul you eat with your ears.

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away....."

I got ones of those funny things....

An asian man brings his cash into a bank to change currency. He gives the teller $100 USD and gets back only $90 CAD so he says to the teller, "last week, i gip you $100 dola and you gip me $110 dola. Today I gip you $100 dola and you gip me $90, what the dam going on?" The teller says to the man, "Fluctuations". Asian man replies, "FLUCT YOU TOO!"

www.NmsRemix.com

haha, but no deer crossing here, only moose crossing.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

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LOL

i have a friend "a secretary goverment worker" who has to work late on her birthday'....lol ha ha ha

THE TEACHER ASKED THE CLASS TODAY, “ANY STUDENTS WHO THINK THEY ARE STUBBORN, STUPID, EVIL, MANIPULATIVE AND DUMB PLEASE STAND UP!”
………..ANY ONE? NO ONE?…….. THEN A LITTLE BOY IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS GOT UP QUIETLY!
THE TEACHER ASKED, “JOHNNY WHY ARE YOU STANDING UP?’
JOHNNY REPLIES, “BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT THE CLASS TO THINK THAT YOU’RE STUBBORN, STUPID, EVIL, MANIPULATIVE AND DUMB!

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mommy', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

The History Of APril Fools
In sixteeth century France the start of the new year was observed on april frist its was celebrated.
In much the same way as new year Eve is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night.

There were some people, however who had hear or did belive the change the date so the continved to celebrate new year day.
ON April fool other played tricks on the them and called them april fools the sent them on a fool errand'' or tride to made them belive that something false was true.

MookaoMoo

I love this one...it crack me up..haha

haha i didn't get it haha

MookaoMoo

MookaoMoo

Sound like someone i know..lol good one..

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

good one, i like this!

A cucmber and a pickle were having a conversation.
The pickle said to the cucumber i got bad man, everytime i get big, fat and juicy
The cucumber said to the pickle, well eveytime i get big fat and juicy i get chopped up and out over salad,
The penis walk by and overhears them and says, i got it wrose then you, both.
When i get putin a dark smelly room and they make me do push_ ups till i throw up,''

"The cucmber has lelf the salad'
"Someone tore down the wall, and your pink floyd is hanging out'
" Your soldier aint unknown now
" Quasimodo need to go back in the tower and tend to his bells"
" Elivs Junior has lelf the building:
"M in Me making a break the escape pod.
" Your got your fly set for Moncia instead of Hillaray" at los pontaloons'
Im talking about from Mars; women can see your penis.

One day this girls, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends,
she goes to the park to the meets a boy.
They talk about climbing trees.
The boy says to the gril, go on climb that tree.
The girl climbs up and the boy just stands there and look up to the girl pants.
After a while the girl goes home and tell her mum about what happend,
Her mum says, oh my stupid girl he just stood a here and wath your pants.

cause u didn't get any? It's a joke.... Stay clean will ya and go get sum instead of keepin your hands buzy... and maybe then your mind will be clean n ur sn will be cleanisan... btw ur kmer doll is getting flat, time to get a new one. ;]

Are you telling me that you're mad because your man spend two days on the table drinking beers with his friends and don't get any job done in bed?

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a few minutes, the man lets out some gas. His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?" The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, 7 to nothing." A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?" She replies, "Touchdown, tie score." The man lies there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps all over the bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Half time, switch sides."

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您的吻，甜蜜的吻叫我思念到如今。